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Diary Entry

I once thought

Offing my on switch would

Turn off the power that

Powers the pain

That charges these electrical wires

I call veins, you see

Since the beginning of time

My kind have been victims of crimes no

Man in his right mind would

Ever commit

I was ready to quit

First you drag us

To a land, unwillingly that

You say you discovered

Lying to my people knowing

Before you there were others

For years we heard

“They can eat here but

Not you coloreds”

You beat a boy so bad his

Mother might as well have

Gone blind because

On his fragmented face

Was not a feature she could find

To link him to the boy she birthed

Who knew my skins color would

Come with a curse

A curse that subjects me to always

Wait for the first

Of the month

Government checks advocating my

Color’s insufficiencies

I stare in the mirror to see what

Uncle Tom didn’t see

I couldn’t dig these thoughts

Out of my brain

Voices urging me to

Ingest the pills and

Digest the pain

Now my right hand

Grips the bottle

Left untwists the cap

Emotions reached capacity

The pain caused me to crack

Capsules approach my lips

A tear streaks my face

I see how much I’m worth when

No one urges me to stay

But my ancestors’ struggles tell me

There’s more that I can take

Dr. King took a bullet for me and

I let pills decide my fate?

The pain drains

My spirit grows

Every time I cry

Diary of a mad black male

There’s more than what meets the eye

 

Ed Joyner

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